My Trombone Gently Weeps

Year: 1994
Age: 11
Scene of the Crime: Hesperia Middle School

(You’re going to come to realize that I’ve taken the grand tour of Riverside and San Bernadino counties through my school age years. – ed)

If you ever sit down with someone who knows me very well and you ask them about me, somewhere within that conversation, they’ll mention my love for music. Music fuels everything I do! I started designing because I wanted to make band t-shirts. I started writing because I wanted to share my love for music with the world. I played music because I appreciated and admired musicians and I desperately wanted to be one.

My first musical foray was when I studied the piano when I was nine. I made my second attempt with my school’s concert band. The band was embarassingly small, six brass horns, four woodwinds, and two drummers. I decided to play the trombone because it looked cool to play when I would watch the Southern University marching band members play it. Too bad it didn’t do the same for me when I awkwardly played it. In our band, there was no arrangement so woodwinds and brass mixed in together like it was nothing.

For the most part, I sat next to Stephanie. Stephanie was incredibly flirty and sensual for eleven years old. We would make jokes and do little things to touch each other, but we never acted on anything. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but every time I looked into her eyes I said “wow” thirteen times and pretended to not be so impressed, you know, typical pre-teen. During this time in my life, I stayed home about 95% of the school year because I had to take care of my brothers while my mom went to work. One day, I came back from such an absence and the group was about to play a new song, “Wipeout” I think.

The band got rowdy and the instructor slipped out to grab a smoke . Stephanie started teasing and blowing kisses at me while running. Naturally, I chased after her as we dashed across the music room. I cornered her and she blurted out “Stop! I don’t kiss niggers!”

I stopped for a second. It was like she pushed a button and it brought me back to reality. She was smiling wide as I glared at her with anger. See, I wasn’t the only black kid there, but I was one of five in the whole school which meant Hesperia wasn’t exactly the picture of progress the Chamber of Commerce made it seem. What began as innocent schoolyard play, ended up being a very harsh reality check reminding me where I was.

I didn’t attend another class after that. My family moved yet again and I actually tested into the 8th grade despite missing most of the 7th. I’m pretty cautious about who I flirt with or who I even talk to because of the burn I felt when that happened. It’s something I’ll never forget.

I've Got Your Tea RIGHT HEEH

This country angers me sometimes. It angers me a great deal actually. By now you’ve probably heard of the Chicago Tea Party, a series of large scale national protests against TARP funds that was ironically inspired by CNBC reporter Rick Santelli who makes a living reporting on Wall Street. What disappointments me is the people have waited THIS LONG in order to really take some sort of action. I remember when TARP was rolled out back in October and these dittoheads were nodding along in unison while President Bush helped failed financial institutions rob us blind. The crazy thing is, you went along with it! You were bullied into being okay with it and you even argued in favor for it! Sure some conservatives were very vocal about the TARP bailouts, but not vocal enough to hit the streets in Tea Party formation. Certainly not enough to make statements like the following plucked from Fixed News:

“People are getting killed — they’re getting hammered with taxes and it’s not the way this country is supposed to be run. … We want to fight back,” said Kristina Mancini, who’s helping organize the April 15 rally in Fishkill, N.Y.

“Sitting back and being quiet never helps.”

Really? You seemed to do such a great job of being silent during the last eight years. I’m curious as to why all of a sudden you feel moved to make such vocal (and comical) demonstrations against these bailouts? Because they’re laden with pork? Do you even understand what pork spending means? Pork spending is inherently unattractive because it doesn’t yield many benefits for K street, why does it matter to YOU. You’re unemployed, you’re fighting to pay the mortgage and your manufacturing job just left for Columbia. Are you that easily persuaded by people making ten times more than you? The pork spending you’re fighting against is what’s keeping that pothole that’s throwing off your suspension alive and kicking. Pork spending is what pays for local services you’ll utilize when you need a helping hard, Pork spending is what pays for your boneheaded abstinence education, pork pork pork! It’s all pork, don’t you understand?!

This country is falling apart right now and it’s about damn time we start using tax money to invest in our nation instead of trying to fill the pockets of the rich even further. I’m disgusted by the misguided indignation of the right as they proceed to protest a bailout that they were in favor or didn’t care that much about in October than now is a big deal when Obama has assumed office. Yeah, I said it! You’re only doing this because Obama is in office. Because Obama wants to use the funds to benefit our communities and projects to better our country, you’re in a tizzy because politicians, talking heads and RUSH are brainwashing you into submission.

Please, by all means keep voting and protesting against your best interest. One step closer to destroying your credibility is another step closer to a better America. You’re a joke! Take your tea bags and your faux outrage and get a clue! You’re only bankrupting yourself in the long run. If you want to protest something , protest the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, a war that has broken the back of this nation’s financial infrastructure. That’s the real problem if you focus on the numbers, numbers that increase with President Obama’s proposed budget.

I plan on protesting your tea parties and I plan on doing it WHILE I pay my taxes and allow the state to take 9% sales tax from the sale of my latte. Maybe that 9% will help you get by on unemployment insurance.

I can read your US/Russian unity subtext.

Have I told you how much I don’t like the name Lady Gaga? When I say her name I feel like I’m about to describe this master of infantile babbling, like a Baby Whisperer. Why would Lady Gaga be on my tongue (pause) in the first place? Her single “Poker Face” is damn near unavoidable and I may schedule my own intervention after I post this blog. The original track and its many iterations (most notably, Kid Cudi, Kanye and Common’s “Poke Her Face”) have me lost and turned out like fiend with my iTunes now randomly self-destructing in a gesture of love in the best interest of my well being.

During my 82^nd listening of “Poker Face”, I started to feel faint. Suddenly I began hallucinating to the sound of Keith Olbermann’s velvet tones in the background, guiding me through an iridescent field of Huffington Post blog entries. As soon as I regained consciousness in the middle of the Walgreens Pharmacy, I picked up the Times (because Alec Baldwin told me so) and I suddenly gained this heightened level of clarity. Blog posts, news articles and political commentary from many of the nation’s luminaries on both wings of the proverbial bird have been piling up on President Obama and the way he’s handled everything from the Iraq/Afghanistan war to going to church this Sunday for Easter services. It seems as if the initial obsession with a man making history has worn off in favor of a new obsession to tell the new guy what he’s doing wrong. I admit, I’m a sucker for dissent and policy wonks gone wild, but that doesn’t mean we need to declare open season on a President who is still working within his first one hundred days.

Then again, it is our duty to keep this administration honest, trustworthy and accountable to any and all shortcomings it may experience along the way. We’re dealing with an unprecedented amount of transparency from this administration and we’re seeing the good, the bad and the ugly played out right before our eyes. Meanwhile, Congress is starting to resemble a KinderCare facility with all of the whining and immaturity that’s plaguing lawmakers right now and it’s beginning to extend itself into the media. Comedian of errors Glen Beck just poured “gasoline” on a guy to illustrate what the Obama administration is doing to average Americans, like it’s a BAD thing. I would in fact applaud the Obama Administration if they poured gasoline on a few of the Americans ruining this nation (I’d mainly praise Rahm Emanuel because he would pour gasoline on people with a smile).

But I digress.

These political luminaries are obsessed with playing Fantasy Lawmaker right now yet nobody’s scoring any runs, just strikeouts. There is no easy answer to this nation’s problems because we’ve become even more divided than ever. The chasm between liberal and conservative has now splintered off into even deeper divisions between straight up pinko commies and Christian fundamentalists to “anybody but Barack-ocrats”. Everybody has an answer, but nobody has a solution. This does make for great entertainment on the right and it makes for award winning analysis on the left, but I’m still uncertain how all of this division is actually helping this country progress from the political dark ages we endured under the Bush Administration. The brow beating and hard blogging treatment is probably doing more harm than good to an Administration that’s open to suggestions. Not to be so sacrilegious this close to Passover, but trying to get a unified vision through all of this commentary is like God trying to hear each and every prayer, cry and gripe simultaneously. I’m sure it’s all in a day’s work for God, but for humans it’s nearly impossible.

I have a feeling though that I’m not the only person that’s listening to “Poker Face” these days on repeat. I’m sure between appearances, good old Rahm has a set of Bang and Olufsons tied to the ears of President Obama in the best interest that he gets the underlying message that this pop gem is trying to convey.

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you’re with me, I love it
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it’s love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun, fun

Now, let’s just press pause for a moment and reflect on what was said. If you’ve paid attention to the news everyone’s favorite master and servant Vladimir Putin and Dimitri Medvedev have stepped up their presence on the world stage and have been working closer with the Obama campaign on everything from Iran to Nukes. Certainly a partnership with Putin is a “gamble”, almost like “Russian Roulette”, but it could be beneficial in the end for the Obama campaign to partake in global diplomacy with Putin. Sure the arrangement might be a little “rough”, but that’s how Rahm Emanuel rolls.

Of course, President Obama must hide the overt glee of having the Russians as close as they’ve been in years from McCarthy worshipping conservatives and the blogs they keep. This means that Barack Obama has to put on, yes, a “Poker Face”.

So see everyone, we’re all going to be cool in a little while once we ease on into a comfort zone with the Kremlin. All questions will most likely remain unanswered until a united front against terrorism, poverty and corruption is achieved when the two megapowers collide at Wrestlemania V live and in living color only on pay per view!

THIS SONG IS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!

I just hope the President isn’t listening to “If You Seek Amy”. Lord help abstinence-only funding the day that happens.

Deuces.

So when the Hearst Corporation announced that wage consessions and significant cuts must be made or the Chronicle will be put up for sale. If no concessions are made by unions and layoffs don’t ease the fiscal bleeding, the Chronicle could face the same reality the Seattle Post-Intelligencer has around it’s corner: extinction. How is it possible for the Bay Area’s oldest newspaper and largest circulation to find itself on the brink of closure? Between the loss of advertising dollars, the 5% drop in paying readers and fair wage demands from unions this all makes a potent recipe for disaster.

“I still don’t see how this effects me!”

Despite my embrace of new media, I still walk from the Van Ness MUNI escalator, peer at the newsstand advertising and drop in my money for a crinkled, sometimes damp issue of the Chronicle. If that newspaper I just picked up doesn’t exist, everyone from journalists and editors to the people that stock the Newspaper stand will all be out of a job. Its a sobering thought when you realize the complete scope of what this could mean for our already fragile economy.

Of course, the blame cannot be placed solely in the hands of newfangled technology. The privately held Hearst Corp. is facing the same reality many privately held News conglomerates like themselves and the Tribune are facing in the new Millennium: nobody is making money. When it stopped being about making headlines and started being about the bottom line, that’s when the integrity suffered and the bloodletting began. Erik Barnouw of the New Press wrote about this very topic back in 1997 when he said the following:

With 75 percent of the nation’s remaining 1,548 daily newspapers in the hands of chains and only four chains owning 21 percent of these papers, Roberts offers meager hope for salvaging the newspaper industry from the consequences of suicidal greed. He longs for increased monitoring of the performance of chain newspapers by such journalism watchdogs as the American Journalism Review, the Columbia Journalism Review and the Nieman Reports. But Roberts acknowledges his suggestion is unrealistic because of costs involved. He concludes, “It is hard to imagine a project that a major foundation could fund that would be more in the public interest….Yet, just one of them might, with a significant grant, point the way to greater corporate responsibility to the towns and cities with chain-owned papers.”

So what’s could be ahead for the Chronicle? It could very well mean the sale of the Chronicle to a finaceer who can weather the economic turmoil or the Chronicle could always fall back on it’s web site, SFGate.com. SFGate’s 95 Million page views make it the tenth largest web portal maintained by a print news agency. Though it wouldn’t save all the jobs that would have to be cut, there is a compromise to be made. By keeping their news staff and ceasing printing costs, SF Gate could operate from its website, cutting out printing/delivery costs.

Would you like to see what’s behind door number two? What about the loss of a corporate influence on the Chronicle? What if a buyer for the Chronicle comes forward to fund daily operations. With the Chronicle being the Bay Area paper with the greatest circulation, popular website and its rich history, it should be attractive to many with the funds to purchase.

What about door number three? Absolutely nothing. Check out this excerpt from the Chronicle:

If the reductions can be accomplished, Vega said, “We are optimistic that we can emerge from this tough cycle with a healthy and vibrant Chronicle.”

The company did not specify the size of the staff reductions or the nature of the other cost-saving measures it has in mind. The company said it immediately will seek discussions with Northern California Media Workers Guild Local 39521 and International Brotherhood of Teamsters Local 853, which represent the majority of workers at The Chronicle.

“Because of the sea change newspapers everywhere are undergoing and these dire economic times, it is essential that our management and the local union leadership work together to implement the changes necessary to bring the cost of producing The Chronicle into line with available revenue,” Frank A. Bennack Jr., Hearst vice chairman and chief executive, and Steven R. Swartz, president of Hearst Newspapers, said in a joint statement.

Despite the excitement and instanteneous delivery of online news, Print Media is still a multi-billion dollar industry. When the time comes for a major news journal like the Chronicle to stop its presses once and for all, the effect will be wide spread from advertisers to newsstand operators to the public looking for someone to tell their story. As we enter a period of uncertainty for the Chronicle, we shouldn’t meet this news with apathy but with sadness. Another day will come, but time may be running out for our Chronicle.

*Swipes*

Let’s talk about what happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna. I’m sure you’re all talked to death about this but unlike the rest of the blogosphere, I reserved judgment until I actually had something of substance to say. No co-signing or finger pointing in either direction are necessary because we all know what the allegations are (gasp! Allegations! He did it!!) and we all know how terrible a crime this really is. All commentary for Chris Brown is best left up to those who are credentialed in the fine art of a beatdown. My harsh words are best left for those who are nowhere near the center of this controversy. This is my song for you.

Chapter One

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS…

Ladies and Gentlemen of the internet, if you’re going to pretend like you work for the media, why don’t you conduct yourself like you work for the media! Whatever happened to removing bias, fact-checking information before co-signing, a spell check wouldn’t hurt either! One confused blog commenter recalled a summation of the events he heard by frantically typing: “FIRST I HEARD RIHANNA BURNED CHRIS AND THEN I HEARD HE PULLED HER OUT THE CAR AND THEN I HEARD THERE WAS A SHOOTOUT WITH THE POLICE AND THEN…”. This is not an episode of 24, this is a domestic disturbance. If you need to take a breath, do your laundry, have a Coke and a smile…SOMETHING, please do it so you can come back and collect your thoughts.

Chapter Two

SO WHAT DID RIHANNA DO?

“I KNOW CHRIS WOULDN’T DO THIS! THERE MUST BE AN EXPLAINATION!” I think I read something close to twenty comments essentially saying the same thing that are affixed to many comment sections around the web in general. Chris Brown supporters are en masse and I don’t blame many of his most devoted fans for not seeing through the rose colored shades and thinking it would be different if he was with you. The fact is, you can’t overcome what he’s just done. You can blame Rihanna all you want and you can concoct all sorts of fairy tales to trick yourself into supporting Chris Brown’s vicious attack. At the end of the day, Chris Brown laid out somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister, somebody’s best friend. I’m sure if this happened to a loved one, you’d change your tone toward Chris Brown. I know that situations like this can be a two way street and can be ultra-volatile, I’ve seen such relationships first hand. Regardless, there’s nothing that Rihanna did that would warrant Chris Brown hitting her that hard. Stop defending Chris Brown because he’s attractive and start examining why you’d be so quick to defend an alleged assailant.

Chapter Three

OOOOH JIGGA’S COMING!

Jay-Z isn’t stupid. That man is worth more money than Chris Brown will ever see in his life. He’s not going to throw it all away over a situation that doesn’t even directly involve him. I’m sure he treats Rihanna like a close friend, but still, any and all threats are merely hearsay meant to generate page views. I know this is the hot topic of the last few weeks, but still, if your life is devoid of any happiness or excitement, don’t try to turn the heat up on this situations so you can get your rocks off. This situation doesn’t need to get any more complicated.

In Conclusion

Innocent, Until Proven Guilty

While that is such a foreign concept among the blogosphere and the media in general, it’s definitely a statement all of us need to reflect on for a moment. I think we’re so consumed with stories and information that we instantaneously form our own opinion and preach it like its gospel. Opinions don’t pay if you’re one or two HOURS behind what’s breaking, imagine how little I’m going to get for my pearls of wisdom being released right now! For me it’s not about the right here/right now because this celebrity gossip thing isn’t even my cup of tea (and if anyone tells you it was at one point in my life I flat out DENY IT). It’s about putting a “clarity check” out on the net about the situation which unfortunately many early adopters forgot click before the pressed “publish”.

The salacious sight of slugging and VORP numbers are enough to make the coldest Baseball fan get all hot and bothered at first sight. Imagine the heat under my collar when my Andrea provided me with the one gift that gives me the vapors every time I hold it, Baseball Prospectus. I’ve been looking forward to this edition since the Yankees acquired CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, Mark Texiera and Nick Swisher. Along with the return of Chien-Ming Wang, Hideki Matsui, Jorge Posada and the saga of A-GOD/A-FRAUD, things were looking promising on the projection front.

Then I opened the book.

Page 350 is where the chapter on the glorious Yankees begin (you can find projections on Sabathia, Burnett, Texiera and Swisher with their former teams) and let me tell you, *spoiler alert* it’s DEPRESSING. Expecting a monster return from former nineteen game winning ace Wang? BP projects him to not fully recover from his foot injury and put up only 8 wins in 19 starts, an ERA of 4.39 and a whip of 1.45! Any good news about the young trio of Joba, Phil and Ian? Good news, they’ll all have a twenty-two win season! Bad news, that’s twenty-two wins COMBINED. Joba should be right at home as a fifth starter with a projected 3.02 ERA, Ian will improve to a 4.71 and Phil will put up a hard 4.74 ERA. Those projections themselves aren’t bad for a few young arms working their way into the rotation from the fifth spot, but if a playoff berth is on the line and we’re a few arms down, we definitely want the lion’s share of those twenty-two wins occurring at the back end of the season…and recently our luck hasn’t been that good.

Pettite is projected to step in with a ten win season and a 4.41 ERA and Mo is expected to record thirty-six saves and a 2.42 ERA. Don’t even get me started on the possible repeat of Robinson Cano’s bleak ’08 season or the possibility of Melky being Melky-which is quite disappointing.

Then there are stats that are just downright unbelievable. Jeter slugging .383? Posada on his way out? Jose Molina actually hitting TWO home runs? What is this world coming to? Of course BP’s deadline preceded the bombshell of A-GOD/A-FRAUD taking PEDs like chewables down in Arlington, so they won’t be able to accurately project Rodriguez’s mindset heading into this season. Texiera looks like he’s in for a drop in production primarily in slugging for the upcoming season. All of this tends to translate in bad times for Yankee fans looking for good news, but fret not! These are projections, not the Sixth Sense.

Though we tend to believe some projections (like David Ortiz repeating last season’s mediocre performance) and shun the rest, we have to remember that they are in fact, just predictions. I believe the chemistry of the Yankees, the decibel level of Girardi’s demanding tone and a few aging super stars needing to prove themselves (Jeter, Matsui, Damon, Posada), are the unknowns that not even Nate Silver and company can project. Then again, Nate Silver did get deadly close to projecting the exact electoral vote count for the general election…lucky guess. I do know this though, if we get another repeat of 2008, there are going to be several heads rolling into the Hudson after everything is said and done. I hope to God these predictions are wrong because I can’t take hearing “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Green Day another six hundred times.

One last parting shot for the Carl Pavano fan(s): 3-4 with just NINE starts…gimme some!

From the garish mind of Ryan Seacrest and the desperate wallets of Viacom comes Bromance. Brody from the Hills needs to have friends in multiples of two and when Spencer purchased Heidi’s soul for all eternity, Brody was stuck left with one less bro in the pack. Hence, Bromance (or as I call it “Cock of Love”) is here to find Brody’s next bro of bros.

Between the Lazybro Racing and the gratuitous use of “bro”, this is your run of the mill reality dating show. There’s the crying, the black cast member that hates everyone, the means of communication being a douchy little flip phone producers picked up free with a new contract. There’s the intimate meal (burgers) where bros discuss drama with Brody and discuss their feelings about liking each other and being liked and how to express those feelings of like. The sausage party keeps it moving as a drunk member of the brood is puking his brains out in the brovan.

Choice quote: “I was the last to be saved. Up until that point, I was clinching my butt.” Yeah, I would keep those cheeks airtight among that bicurious brood.

I believe this show is indicative of the economic turmoil this nation is really in. You’d think MTV would save money by showing…oh…music videos. Instead they pour millions into creating more niche dating shows like A Shot at Love, My New BFF and Bromance (Cock of Love). Bromance is so artificially bad that i’d rather freebase than watch another episode. These guys genuinely don’t give a shit about Brody and Brody doesn’t give a shit about them. Trying to cry over possibly being eliminated his fucking stupid. You’re a guy, man the fuck up, take your Louis Vuitton manbag and keep it moving. This is pretty sad all over.

There’s a difference between shows of this genre and the standouts of Next and The Real World. Those shows are their own product. These other shows are just unclever offshoots geared toward a niche. It’s very profitable because they use established names to anchor these shows, but they mostly come off as uninspired. They wake up, 1-2 challenges, a meal, a private meeting, an elimination. It’s a formula that doesn’t age well, but seems to keep repeating itself. I guess when people get tired of people confirming their interest for a person with some sort of object, may it be a rose or a chain, we’ll stop having to agonize over bad unscripted television.

verdict: I’d rather smoke crack and dabble in heroin while watching Viva Laughlin over watching MTV’s Bromance.

I should be excited about MacWorld jumping off in three days as I need an upgrade like I’m Jamie Foxx flying coach. But Tuesday clearly belongs to one of the best films of the summer, Pineapple Express. Named after the ficticious bud that Seth Rogen and James Franco said smelled like God’s v-spot, this movie’s greatest moment is Franco stuck in slow motion shouting the top phrase overheard on ghetto blocks in the 90s, “fuuuuuuck thaaaa pooooliiiiiice!”

Your boy already has the pre-order set up on iTunes, but I have to grab the double disk version for the deleted scenes, extended version and other secret bud-laced treats that’ll be stashed in the DVD’s menu. Steve Jobs is great and everything, but I’ll be at home Tuesday night cracking up instead of trying to sell blood for an iMac.

Pre-order from Amazon

Penn Badgely of Gossip Girl fame is seen in last month’s GQ “Americana” photoshoot with Royal Blue cardigan, ascot and…bare ankles? The high cuff look above made me raise an eyebrow as I haven’t rocked the flood point since my high school emo-punk phase where I’d show off my chuck taylors and my argyle socks. Around the underground I’ve noticed a few brave souls rock the look successfully this winter with different trousers and jeans showing off their sharp oxfords and vintage kicks.

A Continious Lean chronicled the look earlier this year with a great post discussing the trend, and the various stages of flood. I personally prefer the tailored or pressed cuff to the rolled look only because how clean they look by comparison. With workwear still persisting in certain circles, the rolled look would look pretty good with a flannel top. I’ll be interested in seeing this look develop for the summer when the look is classically adorned, but as the fashion forward has shown us, high cuffs can be on point all year long.